Promoting Natural Beauty

I'd like to introduce everyone to well, me. Just like every other girl in the world, I once too, was void of confidence.

Unfortunately, most girls never strip themselves of these insecurities and they live with them forever. I mean, how could they not with the tabloids and magazines telling them that beautiful is skinny, tan, blonde and curvy all at the same time? No acne, perfect teeth, perfect butt, boobs, waist, hips, legs, etc.

These girls do indeed exist, but it is not something to aspire to be.

Aspire to be successful. Aspire to be good and to do good things. Aspire to be yourself, to love yourself, and love the day you've been blessed to walk upon. Most importantly, aspire to be happy, because you were made exactly as you were supposed to be!

When I woke up this morning, I took the picture that you see above because that is who I am. No make up, a huge smile to start the day, and the philosophy that natural is indeed beautiful. I am beautiful.

The second you realize that you don't need a product to be beautiful and you find it in yourself to simply be you and everything you were made to be, you will be free from society's expectations. You'll be free because you no longer care to meet them and in my eyes, that's a big accomplishment for women today.

Time

Time. What even is time anyway? Ticks on a clock. The amount of sunlight in the day. The amount of darkness in the night.

Day. Night. Why can't it be night time when the sun shines and day time when the moon shines?

Because someone told us so. Time is man made. Non-existent. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, years. When we break it down, it's all the same and time, really means nothing at all. The sun sets and comes up again, over and over and over as the earth spins on it's axis and revolves around the sun. Every year the earth makes a lap around the sun and we end up in the same exact place once again.

The same place.

A Monday is no different than a Thursday, nor is last week any different from next week. Aside from the weather and temperature, and duration of the sun that shines, every day is literally the same as the last. Different events take place. Different words are spoken. Different meals consumed. But in the end, what's really the difference?

Every day we wake up, eat, go to work, sleep, and do it all over again. I'm stuck in this dull cycle and I don't want to be. I'm at a road block here, not knowing which move to make next to change what it is that I'm not satisfied with. Yet I don't really have much of a choice. I need the finances and despite how little time I have left in the day for just me anymore, it appears this is the only way. If my displeasure now, leads to my success in the future, then I suppose it's worth it.

I just don't know how to feel about where I'm at in my life and I suppose the cyclical  motions drowning out my days doesn't exactly help. The numbness of time and the repetitive ticks on the clock make it hard for me to see past just tomorrow. I'm doing what I'm doing for a better future but that's ironic when it's a future so undetermined with my vision so clouded. 

I wake up. I go to work. Collect my paycheck and go to sleep just to do it all over again. I suppose I just want to know when this broken record will be fixed and when the day will come that I'll wake up and no longer be just going with the motions to get by. I guess I'm just looking forward to the days I don't want to end again because this can't be what growing up is all about. 

I mean. At least I hope it isn't. 

Pain, Love, and Lessons

Sometimes pain becomes such a huge part of your life that you always expect it be there, because you can't remember a time it wasn't. But then one day you feel something else, something that feels wrong. Wrong because it's so unfamiliar. And in that moment, you realize your happy.

Love gave me this feeling. One single, beautiful, and gracious person. I had gotten so used to living a life full of pain that I didn't realize I was resisting something so much larger than myself. It took me two years to give it a shot and only three or four months for the flame to die out.We burned so brightly together and I've realized I was wrong to regret that for the past couple months.

Looking back on it now, I am ever so grateful for the time I spent carelessly happy and blissfully free, no matter how short it lasted. Because to me, every moment of pain I had risen from, was worth every second of love and letting someone in all the way. It was so hard to let go of, because it was such a long journey to get to where we had gotten. Letting him in was the hardest thing I had ever done and in the end it taught me that I can't get through life shutting people out. If I want to live happily that is. That love has taught me more than my words can express and more than I can even fathom right now, and that boy was the single best thing to ever happen to me. He walked into my life and changed everything, and that, is only one of the many things I thank God for every night.

I believe he was my soul mate. But before you mistake my intentions, I do not believe a soul mate is necessarily the person you are meant to spend the rest of your life with. In fact, I believe a soul mate is someone who uncovers layers of yourself that you didn't even know you had. Someone who saves you from a great struggle and someone who helps you find who you are supposed to be.

You may think you and your soul mate are meant to be. Hell, I was positive we were and at a time, he was too. Yet, I think we were so meant to be that we weren't. People come into our lives for reasons; whether it's to teach us a lesson or to guide us through the trenches. I believe that he did just that and I believe no matter how messed up everything currently is and how lost I might feel, that I'm still right where I'm supposed to be.

And I have faith that he is too.

Unfinished Just Like Me

I'm trying so hard to be strong
Do this thing on my own
But everything feels so wrong.

I wish I could've known
Just how bad things would end
Oh the ruins that would be left
Among a weak heart to mend.

It's tiring having to pick up the peices
Aware they'll soon be dismantled again.
Indulging in a task that only unleashes
My most inner demons from the bottomless pit
In which they've been.

Sometimes I wonder
Why I even bother
Picking up the debri
When it would appear that's all that's left of me.

-s.d

The song that got me through May

"One Day You Will"
by Lady Antebellum

You feel like you're falling backwards
Like you're slippin' through the cracks
Like no one would even notice
If you left this town and never came back
You walk outside and all you see is rain
You look inside and all you feel is pain
And you can't see it now

[Chorus]
But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on (just keep holding on)
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will

You wake up every morning and ask yourself
What am I doing here anyway
With the weight of all those disappointments
Whispering in your ear
You're just barely hanging by a thread
You wanna scream but you're down to your last breath
And you don't know it yet

[Repeat Chorus]

Find the strength to rise above
You will
Find just what you're made of, you're made of

[Repeat Chorus]

One day you will
Oh one day you will

Serenity

I don't know what it is, but when I'm outside under the sun, toes in the water, and in my bikini soaking up every bit of nature around me, it feels like I can finally breathe again.

There's just something about casting a line out on that still water and slowly reeling in your lure. Giving the pole a jerk here and there and steadily turning the handle on the reel.Something about the way the wind blows and the way the sun hits your shoulders. Gosh, I really don't know what it is but there's just something about fishing that soothes my soul. Clears my mind. Makes me happy. I swear I could spend my days like this forever.

When I get older I want a house that sits right on a secluded pond or lake. I'll sit out on my little canoe or boat with a line in the water and a beer in the cup holder. I don't even care how big the fish in the pond are, as long as they aren't those little sharp toothed devils! I mean, it would be nice to have some hogs swimming in my back yard that I could catch and put on my wall, but in the end, that's not what's important to me. 

I'll find a man who enjoys these little things that I do and I'll marry that man. We'll sit in silence on the water or on the shore, enjoying the atmosphere that surrounds us. We'll teach our children how to fish and maybe one day they'll even be better than me, but they'll see they have some catching up to do until then. 

While I was casting away today, this is what I thought about. This brought me such peace and if I achieve these things, then this is a life I'll be proud of.