Time

Time. What even is time anyway? Ticks on a clock. The amount of sunlight in the day. The amount of darkness in the night.

Day. Night. Why can't it be night time when the sun shines and day time when the moon shines?

Because someone told us so. Time is man made. Non-existent. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, years. When we break it down, it's all the same and time, really means nothing at all. The sun sets and comes up again, over and over and over as the earth spins on it's axis and revolves around the sun. Every year the earth makes a lap around the sun and we end up in the same exact place once again.

The same place.

A Monday is no different than a Thursday, nor is last week any different from next week. Aside from the weather and temperature, and duration of the sun that shines, every day is literally the same as the last. Different events take place. Different words are spoken. Different meals consumed. But in the end, what's really the difference?

Every day we wake up, eat, go to work, sleep, and do it all over again. I'm stuck in this dull cycle and I don't want to be. I'm at a road block here, not knowing which move to make next to change what it is that I'm not satisfied with. Yet I don't really have much of a choice. I need the finances and despite how little time I have left in the day for just me anymore, it appears this is the only way. If my displeasure now, leads to my success in the future, then I suppose it's worth it.

I just don't know how to feel about where I'm at in my life and I suppose the cyclical  motions drowning out my days doesn't exactly help. The numbness of time and the repetitive ticks on the clock make it hard for me to see past just tomorrow. I'm doing what I'm doing for a better future but that's ironic when it's a future so undetermined with my vision so clouded. 

I wake up. I go to work. Collect my paycheck and go to sleep just to do it all over again. I suppose I just want to know when this broken record will be fixed and when the day will come that I'll wake up and no longer be just going with the motions to get by. I guess I'm just looking forward to the days I don't want to end again because this can't be what growing up is all about. 

I mean. At least I hope it isn't.