Patience in Isolation

I want to believe that true love exists but it's hard to fathom the idea of something existing when your constantly proven and given substantial evidence that it doesn't. I'm actually beginning to feel stupid, getting my hopes up all over again for someone I hardly know. For thinking I should follow my heart despite all the excruciation it's led me to. I thought to myself, that this time was different than any other time I had begun talking to someone. Sure, I was hit with different emotions and a connection like I had never experienced, but this time was no different than the last because this time, I was bound to get hurt again.

So that's why I'm putting an end to whatever this thing with this boy is before it even has the chance to start. I am young and I am lost. Too lost to get involved with someone again. Too lost to let someone in again because the last time I let someone in completely, it nearly destroyed me. I'm content with keeping to myself and managing the pain on my own. I don't want to be alone or feel this intensifying lonesomeness, but on the contrary, it's a price I'm willing to pay in exchange for my tethered heart not to come undone at the seams.

Loneliness is a second nature to me. I can be comfortable in the lull I used to know so well. I can be self sufficient and hold myself together without help from another. I will not be dependent upon anyone but myself and I will continue on this path of existence until I can find it in my heart to love again. I will keep my head up, my heart inside my chest, use my logic to protect me, and my faith to guide me wherever my purpose lies. In the meantime, patience is the most suitable form of action to move forward with in this voluntary isolation I remain.