Him.

I want so badly to just be free from the thought of him.

He haunts my dreams, my wandering mind, and my every move. Rifling through my purse I find that plan ticket stub that was the end of everything, under my bed lies my suitcase that I refuse to touch because inside I know his t-shirt lies, and hell, I can’t remember the last time I turned on the radio and left it up to fate to see what song would bring me to tears this time.

I go for a run to sweat out the very memory of him and shame on me for putting my iPod on shuffle when “I Want Crazy” stabs like knives into my eardrums.

I scroll through my facebook to pass sleepless time and every other post is either his or one he’s tagged in.

I get sprite to drink in the dining hall and I think of him.

I press my lips to a bottle of bud, a handle of tequila, a shot glass. I think of him. I forget about him for the night but as soon as

I lay in bed there he is next to me.

His arms around me and his steady breath buried into my hair.

"Mine"
"Yours"

On my skin I still feel him.
On my lips I still taste him.
Kissing people who's faces are a blur and I still taste him.

Every image, every emotion, every memory crashes into me all at once.
His touch.
His eyes.
All his “I love you’s”
Him.
Oh him and all these damn lies and I think to myself: 'Was it all just a big lie?"

I can’t escape.

At night I pray for him. I ask God to guide him, show him the way and to lead him to happiness because I know he so desperately seeks it. Needs it.

But then I proceed to ask God to just let me forget him. 

I walk with my head down and watch my feet hit the ground.
Everyday is the same.
I take them one at a time.
Trying my best to find my way
without
him.