"The Wrong Door"

So today I found myself in a seminar on the very thing I had been avoiding for weeks now- Love.

I was with a girlfriend of mine and we just laughed it off for a bit, because 1.) That's just what we do, 2) We had no plans of even attending this seminar until we walked into the wrong door and had spontaneously decided we might as well just stay, and 3) Because we were both actually quite heartbroken so laughter seemed an easy way to brush it off.

I don't know about my friend, but it was quite frankly painful to listen to the lecture. There were couples there, telling their stories, how they met, etc. But there my friend and I sat. In the back row having a "grand ole time". I believe that she was hurting just as much as me. It didn't take long for our laughter to die down. All it took was for the speaker to start discussing the down sides of love, the very things we fear, and the horrible things we feel. There was other single people in the room too, he was questioning them, helping them. People with different and unique examples of struggles they've been going through. It was like an optimist intervention. It was exactly what I needed to hear, it was the very thought process I have been trying to adopt.

I was consumed by my thoughts and hadn't realized the speaker had walked down the aisle and asked me a question. He was standing right in front of me.



Speaker: Miss? What's your name?

          My friend jabbed me with her elbow.

Speaker: Miss?

Me (shit why me): *ahem* Oh hi, sorry, what did you say?

Speaker: I asked what your name was.

Me: My apologies, name's Sam.

Speaker: Sam. That's a nice name. Now tell me, what brings you and your friend here to this seminar?

Me: We actually opened the wrong door, we were in the city looking around for things to do.

Speaker: So you had no actual destination in mind?

Me: Uh, no. I suppose we didn't.

Speaker: So why do you suppose this was the "wrong door", as you so called it?

Me (stammering): Oh no, I uh, didn't intend for that to uh--

Speaker (interrupting me): No offense taken, but that isn't my point. You said that you had no destination in mind, but that you quote, "came in the wrong door". If you had no place in particular to go, then how do you know that this wasn't the right door? How do you know that this isn't where you are supposed to be at this exact moment? That maybe stumbling in here will change everything about where you currently are in your life. Tell me something Sam, do you have a boyfriend?

          Uhm, excuse me? Did he really just ask me that?

Me: No.

Speaker: So you recently had one but no longer do.

          UHM, DOUBLE EXCUSE ME? 

Me: Yes.

Speaker: And he broke your heart, didn't he?

          This is getting uncomfortable

Me: What makes you think so?

Speaker: Think? Aren't you more curious as to how I know so?

Me(with a chuckle): Enlighten me.

Speaker: You put up this cold front that you think no one can see through, but really all I had to do was ask if you had a boyfriend and you cracked. Your entire posture shifted, your pupils dilated, you gulped as if the very sound made it hard to swallow, and I could nearly feel the pain in the "no" that you spoke.

Me: (silence)

Speaker: Tell me this, did you love him?

           There had to have been 100 other people in the room and he had the audacity to ask such personal question!

Me: No.

Speaker: Lies.

          No shit, I didn't know by sitting down I was giving my consent to group therapy.

Me: (silence)  

          I am not doing this right now. I don't have to, I could just get up and leave right now.

Speaker: No one is this room is going to judge you. Everyone in here is vulnerable and open to new perspectives. Everyone in this room has loved and lost, some are even here with their loved ones; others, just as you, aren't. Chances are, you'll never see this folks ever again so what are you so afraid of?

          Vulnerability. Letting people in. Admitting that I am actually a miserable wreck no matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise.

Me: It's not a matter of being afraid, but rather a matter of not being ready to discuss these emotions with anyone, yet alone a stranger.

Speaker: Ah but Sam, strangers are the easiest people in the world to talk to!

Me: Yes, but I prefer not to talk on such a personal level.

Speaker: Understandable. However, I don't want you to walk away from this exchange thinking I was interrogating you so just hear me out for a minute Sam. I may not know the whole story, what his name was, or went wrong between you guys. But I can see the pain on your face no matter how well you do cover it from most and how beautiful of a smile you do have. I can see that you are struggling, I can see that you are lost, and I can tell you with no doubt in my mind that you will get through it. You are a beautiful young woman and there are lots of fish in the sea. Stop thinking about the past, the mistakes, and stop thinking that every door you walk into is going to be the "wrong one". I believe that this door today was the right one and when you lay your head down on your pillow tonight, I hope that you'll believe that too.



And then he turned around, headed back to the front of the room while people clapped, and he continued on speaking to the group. All the while the conversation had now been directed to how we need to start thinking every hypothetical door we walk through is the right one; the one that will change everything for us. Not only was I amazed at the speakers improvisation for his entire talk, but I felt as if the Lord himself had just spoken with me. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt good.

I was utterly shocked. Even more so at how my friend and I left in silence, not saying a word about what just transpired-I didn't know what to say to her. We hadn't really talked about our recent break-ups, but we both knew that we were hurting. When we got on the train my friend handed me her notebook (she's majoring in journalism). She had written down the entire exchange between me and the speaker and she said to me,

"I'll let you post this on your blog if you let me put it in my school's paper".

My mind was blown. She had actually written all that down. I was so caught up in the conversation with the speaker that I was completely oblivious to her scribbling. I had to have this, so I let her post her story as long as she kept my name out of it just like I kept her name out of my blog. So here's my story, on my blog! I added in a few things (like my thoughts in italics), but thanks to her, I have this memory written down on paper to be remembered perfectly forever and I wouldn't want it any other way.

The man was right. I had walked into the right door today. Just a few days ago I was on the river and had decided everything was going to change in my life, and this encounter today was the greatest reinforcement I never even asked for.